Lauren JosephI always thought that senioritis was just a word people made up, an excuse for being lazy. Then I became a college senior. It’s not laziness so much as it is an actual affliction based on fear, being burnt out and excitement.
The fear is that I won’t have a job when I finally leave this school. That the decisions I have made so far, have been wrong and won’t help me in life at all. Was the major I chose right for the life I choose to have after school?
I like to think that all my fears are unfounded, I sound confident everytime I tell my mom that I will have a job after graduation and that the house I am renting will not force me into poverty. It isn’t true though, I am scared. I think I can get a job, but what will I do if I can’t? I won’t be able to eat, or sleep for that matter, because my landlord will probably be banging on the door for rent money every night. But this can only happen if I fail to become employed and I hate losing.
The burnout is something that we all go through, after four years of hard studying (partying) and working (partying) and just the lack of sleep that college students seem to get by on. I don’t know about anyone else, but I feel like I have more to do with less time this semester than any other before. I have a feeling that it’s all because this is the bitter end and it is getting more bitter every day. All the last minute assignments have to be done before graduation and it seems to hold a bit of a tighter constraint than before.
I really just want to sleep for three months after I get out of school but that’s obviously not going to happen. Even if I don’t find my career, I’ll be working. At this point the burnout is so bad all I ever want to do is sleep and for some crazy twist of fates, I can’t. Not because I don’t have time, which is part of it, but because I have developed some kind of insomnia. I blame all my professors for making me think too much. I think about every thing and it keeps me up at night. The sick cycle keeps me going with a few hours of sleep a week and I don’t know how to stop it.
With all the bad thoughts running through my head I do have some good ones circulating. I am more than excited about graduation. I never have to go to college again, if I don’t want to. I won’t have to deal with fighting residence life, like we all have every year. I don’t have to pay money to do a lot of work anymore. It seems like a good deal to me. And, I get to go to Europe after I graduate. Of course, I had to raise that money,on my own, but it’s a great treat for four years of hard work and dedication.
Posted to the Web by Lauren Joseph
