What’s on your mind? Fake fans

By Megan Kutulis
November 5, 2009

I’ll be the first person to admit that Phillies Phever is contagious. As a self-proclaimed Red Sox fan (calm down) I’ve caught my fair share of criticism for rooting for the Phils during the postseason, and appropriately so.

Any team vying for a World Series win, any win, against the Yankees is a friend of mine. But besides dealing with the criticisms of you true Phillies phans out there, I’ve had to deal with something a lot worse: the dreaded baseball “fan.”

You’ve seen them; they sit next to you in your 9:40. They’re the stranger across the table in Jazzman’s, they’re the friend on Facebook you wish you never accepted. They’re the first one to put up their “GoOoO PhIlLSsSsSsS!” status after the first homerun, and they’re the only ones who don’t understand why you can’t come out of a deep depression for at least 12 hours after a tough loss, or a loss in general.

Typical symptoms of these faux fans include false tales of emotional breakdowns after Lidge’s pitch in game five and voicing their very basic knowledge of baseball terminology.

This doesn’t just apply to bandwagon Phillies fans, it applies to anyone who’s decided that knowing how many bases there are and having a general idea of where the strike zone is what makes them a baseball fan.

Next time we’re biting our fingernails during Jimmy Rollins’ NLCS game four home run in the bottom of the ninth or watching A-Rod whine about a few stray pitches, don’t be that one in the background trying to impress us with the vocab you learned in this week’s sports section. It’s the most high stress situation we’ve come across all week, and your comments aren’t helping.

Am I asking that everyone out there learn the ins and outs of baseball? Of course not.

I realize that not everyone looks forward to Red October like I do, and I know that for you newcomers, it can be a tough game to understand.

But, if you’re still asking questions like, “Wait, why is he walking to the base?” and “What’s pop-up mean?” (both real questions, mind you) then you should probably keep your mouth shut and learn the game and leave the discussion for the real fans.

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Megan Kutulis

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