The return of a Nielsen top-10 list

By Chris Nielsen
October 26, 2000

“Let that which does matter truly slide…” -Fight Club.

We may be seeing the death of quite a beloved tradition this year. No more Spring Fling as we know it, no more legal parties and probably no Crenior Sprawl (not it’s true name, I’m not allowed to even say the words. Just figure it out.)

But some traditions continue, well and strong. One of these traditions is the Senior Slide. You’ve all probably heard about the Slide and thought that it was the typical mindset of most second semester seniors when graduation gets closer. Well, it’s not. The Slide has already begun and it doesn’t seem likely to end any time soon.

As anyone who has read the Loquitur through the years knows, I love doing Top 10 lists. I also love doing “The Nielsen Ratings” but I think those single-handedly cost us a ACP Mark of Distinction last year.

So here are the “TOP 10 SIGNS YOU ARE ON THE SENIOR SLIDE ALREADY.”

10) You spend an hour eating a dinner in the cafeteria that you don’t even like.

9)You cut your night class to attend a CAP sponsored game show.

8) 8 Minute Abs- easy. 8 minutes reading Faulkner-strenuous.

7) You drink beer on Sunday nights just to get rid of “leftovers.”

6) You are obsessed with “sour damage” to the school.

5) You’ve caught up with “Dawson’s Creek.”

4) Two words: Ultimate Frisbee

3) You’ve sent out an E-mail celebrating “National Friendship Week.”

2) You’ve made up a “tree” detailing who among your friends has hooked up with who else.

1) The WWF plays a role in any way, shape or form in your life.

See, everyone is guilty! And we all used to be so smart. Well, I guess that maybe we have earned this. These past three years have been tough. And if you’ve come this far and you are not currently on the six-year degree program, well, congratulations. You just about owe it to yourself to make it a Blockbuster night everyone once in a while instead of a Dean’s List night.

Well, there you have it. Let’s face it, life ain’t that bad here at Cabrini College. It seemed like it might be in September, but look around. Things are basically all right. Hell, 100 or so young world travelers, and a week later Ruthie from “The Real World,” all had a good time here. Why shouldn’t you?

Chris Nielsen is a guest columnist for the Loquitur. If his “Nielsen Ratings” cost the Loquitur an ACP Mark of Distinction last year, God knows what Mike `80s Butler has cost the Loquitur this year.

Chris Nielsen

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