Spruce up the semester with some craziness

By Renee DiPietro
February 14, 2002

I have devised a perfect plan to spruce up your semester. Whatever the cause of unhappiness, don’t worry. This has nothing to do with that stuff. If you’re already having a great semester and just are looking for laughs, you are also encouraged to read on.

My friend recently changed her major at her school. She is completely bummed. Her new classes are hard and she doesn’t know anyone in the major. These new people are giving her the vibe that it makes no difference to them if she’d disappear just as quickly as she appeared, so to say the least she’s been extra down. I know this is a tough spot for her but I also realize that it will go away. She will get over these hurdles but she cannot see it just yet. So since I could not literally speed up the process, I found another way to help her along, which is the point of this whole rambling.

It is a list of fun new identities to go by to turn the dullness that lingers in the day into excitement.

1. I encourage a change of age. You are no longer 20, but 28 now. You have been blessed enough to have had a wonderful wandering four years of travel before and after high school. You saw every island off the coast of the United States, Spain and Thailand. You speak English fluently.

2. You are secretly a circus entertainer by weekend and student by week. The other weekly job you have is just your cover up. The reason you attend college is to learn how to help advertise for the circus. You were very interested in learning how to draw an animated dog for the ad. Your partner in your skit, a dog, is light phobic. You need to create an image of the dog since he practically overturns the tent every time you take out a camera.

3. You are a hippie/surfer. Every time someone says hello or asks how you are, just stare back at them and say, “Yeah man, just sweating on how nice it would be to be on a 20 foot one right now.” FYI. To pull off this identity you must change your style of clothes to nothing but thrift-store-fun-hippie gear floral shirts and a standard bandanna that you will wear everyday. Never blow dry your hair.

4. You are liquid sunshine. Tell people you were created in a lab and that’s why the smile has never left your face. Also the fun advantages of liquid sunshine are that you can jump-start a car and also use your finger as a flashlight if the lights go out. Your heart also has the ability to glow like ET’s when you begin to fire up with love.

5. Finally, you are a child of my father. This will make news with anyone. Your father has been diagnosed with the strange disorder of nothing to do. He enjoys studying the TV weekly after the first three days it comes out. This is a talent of his to recite what the programming is for the rest of the week. Other talents include: his own personal style of hip-hop (which is a dance he does to Dion,) two hour coffees in the winter, a collection of phone books that date before the year 1990, Al Pacino impersonations, preaching to the local world the benefits of Total raisin bran over all other cereals… (Total has 100% vitamins, whereas the rest only have like 25%). Finally, your father’s greatest talent is his unconscious appearance of attorney. His disorganized array of papers, pens and calculator follow him wherever he goes in the house, being rearranged frequently after a room change. Don’t worry; the man is harmless.

My point at the beginning of this rambling is that life can get low at times. People will tell you things change yet really what they are actually saying is that something has happened to you that you weren’t expecting and it sucks. Listen to me now. Don’t give in to that. I know it’s hard when a curve ball is thrown your way but what are friends for? Grab one and talk until it works. If they cannot come up with a fun list of alternatives to take your mind off of life’s frowns then borrow this. It’s yours.

So in hope of turning sober faces to smiles and smiling faces to bigger grins, please try out these new identities and report back to me.

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Renee DiPietro

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