Putting the Sexy in Halloween

By Ransom Cozzillio
October 25, 2011

To all you girls really stressing over a last minute Halloween costume, stop. We all know what the easy and oft-taken solution to your costume dilemma is. There is no shame (necessarily) in the “easy” way out anymore. I just feel that someone had to call it out.

So go ahead, stop worrying, don’t run and buy a mask, just slutty it up. Why bother with an elaborate costume plan when looking good on All-Hallows-Eve is three-step simple.

Pick something, anything. Random professions tend to work well; dress up as that. Then remove half those clothes. Done. Like magic a costume is born.

For example: let’s say you want to dress up as a doctor. Get a lab coat and stethoscope, don’t wear pants and add “sexy” to the front of the costume name. Now you’re a “sexy doctor,” a perfectly acceptable Halloween costume.

Come to think of it, there are less and less popular girl costume ideas that don’t throw the word “sexy” in front of them. Most of us are so numbed to it that the existence of a “sexy pineapple” or “sexy kiwi” costume wouldn’t even surprise us. Those costumes do exist by the way.

Look, I’m not saying that these costumes are the worst cultural blight out there. In fact, as a college-aged, straight male, I can’t exactly oppose this kind of attire. (And for all the girls out there who don’t do this and/or spend a lot of time on an elaborate costume, no offense intended). But given the mess that many guys go through planning for Halloween, something had to be said.

We dudes don’t have it quite as easy. I’d go out on a limb and say most of us aren’t gung-ho about dressing up. It’s dressing up for god’s sake. Besides, in order to be sufficiently funny/cool we generally need a costume that is either cumbersome, too hot, too cold, has an annoying mask, or some combination therein.

Nonetheless, we need costumes because, one, girls expect us to have costumes (and good ones) and, two, the only parties at this time of year are of the costumed variety. So dress we must, and often not in a flattering or comfortable way.

I’m not positive about this, but I tend to doubt most people would appreciate if I dressed up like a power ranger, sans-pants and called myself a “sexy power ranger.”

You girls on the other hand, are free to go out looking good (for the party setting) and not worrying about how to drink through a mask or if the banana costume is on straight.

Given that, maybe you can understand my mixed emotion when I see a girl wearing cat ears, a black bra and short black shorts as a “costume.” Sexy though it may be, if this wasn’t Oct. 31 you wouldn’t be dressed as “cat woman.” You’d be dressed as a stripper, with cat ears.

It’s not to say that all this is a bad thing. This new-found method of costume creation is easy and you’d be hard-pressed to find too much opposition to it without our age-group. I’m not here to bash “sexy” costumes per se. We just need to stop the charade.

If I have to wear something goofy and annoying, can we at least stop pretending that you girls are stumped for an easy costume? Please and thanks.

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Ransom Cozzillio

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