I recently read an opinion piece online claiming ADHD is a made-up illness, created to justify kids having no attention span and an inability to sit still. Now, if you know me, you know it takes a lot to make me mad. After reading this, I was livid, for a simple reason.
I have ADHD.
That doesn’t mean I was incredibly hyper as a kid; I was actually more chill than a lot of people in my school. It also doesn’t mean that I’m just never able to pay attention to anything or anyone ever. It’s more complex than that. ADHD is a broad name for a number of issues revolving around a deficiency in executive function, and it affects everyone with it differently.
For me, it means that my brain basically never shuts up. The inside of my head is just a traffic jam of random trivia, song lyrics, weird thoughts most people only have in the shower and any number of other things that add up to a whole lot of background noise being played at max volume.
For most of my life, I’ve just found ways to cope with it and do just enough. In high school I leaned on my friends and baseball to drown out the noise, just getting by and making decent enough grades to get into college. Then I found new ways to cope, rewarding myself for getting homework done by playing video games all hours of the night and treating myself by ordering out food all the time. Once again, baseball was my way to decompress.
Then I got into a serious relationship, and while it was great, it was also the worst thing for me at the time. Not for any personal or emotional reason, but because when I was with her it was instant relief. As a result of this, I completely lost my identity and my sense of self.
Fast forward to March 2019, I was at my breaking point. We had broken up, twice, and I found myself lost and without purpose. I didn’t have the slightest idea what I was even doing here anymore, so I did what, to my younger self, would have been unthinkable.
I walked away.
That spring I took a leave of absence to get some answers. As cliche as it sounds, I needed to learn about myself and figure out who I am. I wanted to be able to succeed after a decade of just finding ways to do enough.
Looking back on it six months later, it’s the best thing I’ve ever done. Instead of leaning on other people just to get by, I’ve learned to lean on myself. Yes, the medication helps, but I’ve also learned what my triggers are and how to pull myself out of rough spots. I’ve found ways to not just cope, but thrive with what I’ve been given.
I’m not afraid of the stigma, because I don’t care what other people think. Go ahead and think that ADHD is made up, but you wouldn’t last 15 minutes in my position.
According to AttitudeMag.org, “4.4 percent of the adult US population has ADHD, but less than 20 percent of these individuals seek help for it.”
Now, this isn’t to say that there aren’t people who have it worse off than me. I personally believe I have it relatively easy given what’s out there. The point is to tell my story for those people out there who are struggling like I was. To show them that it’s okay to ask for help. That it’s okay to say you need time to figure things out.
That it’s okay to say “I can’t go through this alone anymore,” because you don’t have to.
To those people, I say don’t be afraid to take care of yourself. You only get one life, so do what you have to do to make it count.
