Jon and Kate: Please give me your eight!

By Elizabeth Scopelliti
September 17, 2009

Shannon Keough

Two nine year olds, six five year olds… just the thought of having all those children makes me want to pull my hair out. I couldn’t imagine the stress that parents are under raising just two or three children, let alone eight. But with that said, sometimes you have to make sacrifices in order to get what you want.

Jon and Kate Gosselin, once known as the loving and caring parents of the rambunctious group of eight, have made these sacrifices.

Long ago, Jon and Kate fell in love and made a lifetime commitment to one another to be married until “death do them part.” Now, it looks as though these attention-seeking fame whores have joined the list of celebrity couples that have split up, coincidentally after voluntarily signing up for a reality-based television show centered around their everyday lives.

I was obsessed with “Jon & Kate plus 8”-literally, obsessed. I wasn’t so much focused on the children as I was on the parents, because I was always curious as to how they would come together as a team and tackle the challenges that they faced with their eight little munchkins causing havoc in their little suburban Pennsylvanian home.

That’s not to say that I wasn’t enthralled with the little tykes: Cara, Mady, Alexis, Hannah, Aaden, Collin, Leah and Joel. They all have different personalities, and over time my “favorites” have changed… I used to love Hannah and Aaden, and now I love seeing Alexis and Joel.

After watching countless episodes, reading dozens of articles and listening to their heart-warming story, I never thought that my love for the Gosselins would ever dissipate. Technically, it really hasn’t, but I am so unbelievably fed up with Jon and Kate’s antics that I’m about to punch them both in the face. I don’t care that you’re getting a divorce- shit happens, people stop loving each other. But for goodness sake, stop flaunting your availability and spilling your “absolutely tragic” break-up story to America.

Yes, it is a shame that your marriage ended. But to publicly say that being on television had nothing to do with your divorce is a bunch of crap. Even I know that being under public scrutiny 24/7 would cause me to go absolutely hay-wire.

I feel terrible that you guys weren’t on the same page with everything. Seriously though, get over yourselves. Stop whitening your teeth, lying in tanning beds and shopping at expensive boutiques. Pay attention to your children!

I know you both say that your primary focus is to move on from this unfortunate situation, but from an outsider’s point of view, it looks as though this “break- up” hasn’t been affecting either of you terribly.

Jon, I’m the first one to point out that “age isn’t anything but a number” but let’s be serious for a second here. You aren’t even divorced yet and you are already thinking about marrying another woman, who happens to be 10 years younger. I don’t even care that she was once a marijuana slore… it’s the fact that it’s been two months since you and Kate have announced your intentions to split up, and you are on the prowl faster than a cheetah on a gazelle. Take those diamond studded earrings out and adjust those hair plugs. Remember those eight kids you helped co-produce? They want their dad back.

And Kate, don’t think I have forgotten about you. Although I respect the fact that you seem to compose yourself very well in front of the camera, I haven’t forgotten how much of a demanding woman you really are. Yeah, you have eight kids, which is completely stressful. But there are nicer ways to approach people than the way you have in the past. Get the stick out and start becoming more sensitive to people’s feeling. And get out of the tanning booth. Your little angels aren’t going to have a mommy anymore if you keep exposing yourself to that cancer bed.

Basically, the point I’m trying to make here is that the two of you need to grow up and quit your bitching. Stop talking about each other, stop going out and making fools of yourselves.

Focus on the kids. If you need time alone to relax and get away from all of the chaos, call me. I will offer free babysitting for as long as need be. Just do what is best for your kids.

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Elizabeth Scopelliti

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