“There are no strings on me.”
This line from Disney’s “Pinocchio” meant very little to me when I was a kid. It wasn’t until the end of my senior year of high school when I began to realize what it truly meant and vowed to live by it for the rest of my life. Right after I realized that I was being manipulated by someone I cared about.
According to Healthy Place, common practices of manipulators include blaming others for their wrongdoings, refusing to take responsibility for past actions and disparaging other people’s feelings for personal gain.
Manipulators are also known to target people who are empathetic, have a hard time loving themselves and are focused on pleasing others more than themselves. These factors made me the perfect target.
From a person to a puppet
When I first began my sophomore year of high school, I made friends with a new student who was incredibly sweet and kindhearted. She seemed remarkably supportive and I loved her like a sister. Little did I realize that in doing so, I had sprung her trap.
As the years moved on, she put me through a world of pain. For starters, she would always distance herself from me at school and keep telling me that it was because I was clingy. This really put me at odds with her because she was doing it all the time and I always wanted to talk with her in school. What kept me from doing so was my fear of looking desperate and being reprimanded for it. It was as if my emotions were playing tug-of-war with my heart.
But that was just the beginning. Whenever I wanted to text or Facetime her, she would never respond or just hang up. She even took advantage of me when I first started using Facebook by unfriending and blocking me, all while I kept thinking that it was just an issue with the site.
Every time I asked her what was going on, she would always tell me that she was either having issues with her phone or her Facebook account. Whenever I asked some of my friends about it, they told me that everything was perfectly fine.
She would also defend people who made fun of me in hurtful ways by saying that I was being too sensitive and needed to man up.
Even when she was upset, I would offer my comfort and support, but she would turn it down in favor of someone else’s comfort. This made me exceptionally jealous because she was allowing everyone else to comfort her, yet I kept getting the short end of the stick. I wouldn’t mind it if she did it a few times, but again, it happened all the time.
The worst part was that I was perfectly aware of all these red flags, but I was too afraid to accept the truth.
Even when I confronted her about her behavior, she would either pin it on me or passively admit her wrongdoing, follow up with an empty promise that she would change her ways and insist that we continue our friendship. I’m ashamed to admit that I fell for it every single time. She even went as far as to try and trick me into thinking that one of my best friends had been lying to me behind my back.
I remember spending my entire junior year waking up every morning with a pit in my stomach because my friend was constantly on my mind. I was thinking about it so much that it distracted me from eating, focusing on my work, enjoying myself and hanging out with friends who actually cared about me.
I always kept telling myself that this was just a difficult stage of our friendship and it would eventually pass. I had never been so wrong in my entire life.
Time to cut the strings
It wasn’t until the end of my senior year that I finally snapped.
Three years of emotional torment with double servings of half-truths and lies had taken its toll. After another argument with my friend about her behavior, I finally decided that I was done with our toxic friendship.
Even though I was glad to finally be free of her control, I was scarred for life and overflowing with fear, anger and hatred. Aside from being enraged at my ex-friend for her consistent cruelty, I hated myself for being so blind and was terrified to trust my instincts as a result. My mind had transformed into a giant nuclear reactor that was constantly on the verge of a meltdown.
Following the termination of our friendship, I was hellbent on exposing her. I could tell that she was manipulating others as well and I didn’t want them to suffer like I did.
After getting into an argument with her over email, she took it to the school counselor who in turn talked to me about it. It was in that moment that I realized that my intentions weren’t for the greater good; they were purely for revenge.
I was overwhelmed with shame that I let my rage and hate get the best of me. I immediately understood that pursuing revenge would only make things worse and I called everything off. Thankfully, I was able to do it before things got out of hand.
Picking up the pieces
Even after I graduated high school and my ex-friend was out of my life forever, I was still haunted by this nightmare. I had become incredibly paranoid and fearful of trusting my friends because I felt like they were secretly toying with me, too. Moving into college that same year didn’t help either.
I held hope that the people who lived in my wing during my freshman year would make great friends and help me get through this. That proved to be another huge mistake because they made up horrific lies about me behind my back as well as questioned my behavior and interests, which twisted the knife even further.
After breaking off my friendship with them as well, I had officially lost all hope. I was broken, my self-esteem was shattered like glass and I saw myself as a subhuman monster. As a result, I shut myself out from most of my peers and vowed to never open myself up to others again.
I was so paranoid that I would lock myself in my room every night to do homework, watch movies and spend every free second I had alone. I was especially fond of venting in the chapel, going to the movies by myself and taking long walks to Wayne late at night. People would always tell me that it was dangerous to walk alone at night, but I didn’t care. I just wanted to be alone, and darkness was the only thing that made me feel safe.
As much as I enjoyed being alone, I also felt lonely. I wanted someone to talk to, but my fear was still getting the best of me. It was then when I decided that it was time to rise out of the shadows, step out of my comfort zone and face my fears.
I slowly began to open myself up to others and try new things while always keeping my guard up. As time moved on, I began to feel more confident in myself and surround myself with better people that I’m proud and grateful to call my friends.
In addition, I made the courageous decision to give a speech about how people should stay true to themselves and never let others control them.
Not only was the speech well-received by my friends and peers, but it helped boost my confidence and see that there was more to me than I thought. For the first time in a while, I had finally found hope that my scars would heal.
From that day forward, I was eager to keep pushing forward and learning to love myself.
My eyes are open
Even though manipulation remains one of my greatest fears, I’m somewhat glad that it happened.
It taught me to increase my self-awareness and gave me opportunities to build up my confidence and self-esteem. As a result, I feel better, wiser and stronger than ever.
Human beings aren’t toys and neither are you. If you or a loved one is suffering from manipulation in any way, shape or form, I strongly recommend that you follow these tips from Healthy Relationships to combat it.
First, you must listen to your gut and analyze what your manipulator is saying and doing. They may try to make you think that you’re going crazy, but don’t listen to them. That’s exactly what they want.
If you feel as though you have a pit in your stomach and are fearful of talking to someone, it’s best to retrace your steps and figure out why you’re feeling that way. It will also allow you to see a pattern in what this person is saying, especially if the person keeps feeding you empty promises.
Lastly, if someone is trying to coerce you into doing or saying something you’re not comfortable with, do not back down. You may be fearful about how they’ll react, which is understandable, but it’s better to take a stand than submit and endure the pain for even longer.
Also, when you confront someone who has been manipulating you, keep your cool. If you don’t, then your manipulator will find a way to use your anger against you and cause even more harm.
Breaking free of manipulation is incredibly difficult and requires a great deal of strength, but it will be worth it in the end.
Do not let anyone define who you are and who you are going to be.
