The new movie “He’s Just Not That Into You,” based on the book of the same title attempts to provide a healthy dose of reality for women who continue to justify and excuse their man’s behavior and cling to that single shred of hope. The book and movie cover a wide range of situations including letting the guy be the first to call and having the guy ask you out.
Women today, however, may not be fans of the traditional role playing.
“What culture has defined as ‘prim-and-proper’ behavior for women has changed. Women can feel it’s okay to be more open and aggressive in seeking out mates. Times have changed and women are more independent,” Dr. Melissa Terlecki, assistant professor of psychology, said.
Making the first move may be an option up for grabs for both males and females, but according to the book, after that initial meeting if a guy is really into you, then he’ll be the one to pursue.
“I think all the games are really annoying. If you feel like calling, then go for it. If he doesn’t return your calls or he makes no effort to see you, then you should probably leave him alone,” Julia Sherwood, junior early and elementary education major, said.
Sherwood, who is currently involved in a two and a half year relationship, was sure to see the movie on opening night and agrees with most of its standpoints.
“I think it’s a great message. It’s just telling women to open their eyes and stop analyzing everything. Take it for what it is,” Sherwood said.
The theory of wanting what you can not have has been applied to dating. This is where all old rules of dating and waiting come into play. Personality may be the overriding factor in attraction; the fact that something is there, but unavailable may add to it’s desirability.
Although some may welcome the elusive behavior of women initially, eventually more straightforward messages are desirable. Games can eventually wear out and when men want to take the relationship further, knowing that the female feels the same way can be a comfort.
“I don’t mind girls being aggressive. They’ll give out 33 different signals and expect us to pick out the right one,” Greg Schmidt of Audubon, N.J., said.
Although the lure and rush that comes with a partner who seems intangible may create a sort of spark, this does not mean that a romantic interest who is barely there is healthy.
“I think honesty is the best thing to figure out where you stand,” Dr. Maya Gordon, assistant professor of psychology, said.
When that relationship does fizzle out or that guy who you swore was your soulmate, suddenly seems to always be too busy to see you, call you or acknowledge your existence, it is easy for women to make excuses for him.
“Any person, whether male or female, may rationalize why a potential mate is not contacting them to make themselves feel better. This is to protect our psyche and so we feel less hurt,” Terlecki said.
Justifications and defenses on his behalf is a pattern many women fall into and is ultimately the basis of, “He’s Just Not That Into You.” “He is just so busy at work, he has a lot on his mind, he might have lost my number and he’s probably just too intimidated to call me,” are just a few excuses that the book and movie quickly shoot down and leave audiences and readers realizing how easy it is to call someone you care about and let them know you’re thinking of them, no matter what the circumstances.
“He’s Just Not That Into You” provides a comical wake-up call for females blinded by the situations surrounding them.
