Video by Moira Prior
Editor’s note: Some names have been omitted to protect certain sources’ privacy.
“I was blinded by young love and it was my first relationship so I was not really sure how a healthy relationship was suppose to be,” Katie J. said.
Katie suffered from a manipulative relationship for over three years before she could break loose of the cycle.
“It was like I was on a merry-go-round,” Katie said. “I was going in circles and never knew when I would be strong enough to just jump off.”
When entering a new relationship, emotions are overflowing. Sometimes couples even get too caught up that and become blinded by love.
Being young and vulnerable in a relationship can be very exciting but becoming too attached quickly without getting to know your partner could potentially lead to problems.
Some signs of dating violence may include hitting, intense jealousy and insulting a partner’s family and friends.
“I didn’t think fighting was that big of a problem until we started to get physical. I thought it was really love and we were meant to be together so I kept denying any doubt I had.” Katie said.
Katie knew after two years her boyfriend was abusive but it was too hard for her to process that she was a victim of domestic violence. For the most part they were happy. The two were best friends. They got serious very quickly.
“He really isolated me from my family since I had to lie to them every time we would hang out,” Katie said. “I would feel depressed and worthless when I was not around him, so I would stay up in my room until I was allowed to go out again.”
Katie had a hard time balancing her friendships and a stable relationship with her family because her boyfriend was not well liked by them. Her friends wanted her to be happy but hinted that she should just kick him to the curb. Katie also started doing badly in school because she would try to see her boyfriend every waking moment, even if it meant skipping school.
“My parents did not approve of him because he had tattoos and a bad reputation, I would have to lie to them constantly about my whereabouts,” Katie said.
Katie and her boyfriend started out with getting into verbal fights. He would continue to put her down and call her names. She would forgive him because he would be very possessive. Katie started to feel trapped and manipulated in the relationship. Sitting down and talking it out did not get them anywhere, they would always end up making up and forgetting about it.
“In public one time we got in a huge fight and he pushed me up against a car and broke my toe,” Katie said.
When things like this would happen, Katie’s boyfriend would immediately apologize and try and make up for it. She tried to only see the good in the relationship and blocked any bad memories.
“It was really hard to leave the relationship because every time I would try to break up with him he would threaten to kill himself,” Katie said. “He would call me 100 times a day and message me on social media if I was ignoring him.”
“Towards the end of the relationship it got so bad that I was scared for my life and my families life,” Katie said.
At the end of their relationship, it came down to Katie’s boyfriend sending threatening messages to her current boyfriend about killing Katie and her family and lighting her house on fire. Katie then filed for a restraining order and went to court.
“I started going to programs to help me learn about dating violence experience and try and heal,” Katie said.
Katie took a lot of time to think between her past relationship and her current one. Her current boyfriend now understands what she has been through and tries to help her cope with her everyday struggle.
“It still affects me today because I get aggressive if something goes wrong in my current relationship,” Katie said. “I still randomly break down crying during sex or if something triggers the memories of my ex-boyfriend.”
Domestic violence and abuse can happen to anyone, yet this problem is often overlooked. This is especially true when the victim is suffering from psychological abuse, rather than physical. No one should ever be put down by or live in fear of the person they love. Noticing and acknowledging the signs of an abusive relationship is the first step to ending it.
