Hundreds of things to do, thousands of hopes and dreams, a million expectations and about a billion obstacles standing in my way. Where am I going? What am I becoming? Why am I doing all this? Is it for me or is it to meet those expectations that have been forced upon me by everyone else in my life?
I don’t know if anyone else feels this way, but inside, I just feel lost. I feel like the decisions are never ending, that the pile of work never seems to diminish and the drama, well I swear that’s just lurking around every corner here at Cabrini. I feel lost, like I have no place, not that I don’t belong, just that I don’t know where I’m going. I feel like I am being forced to conform myself to fit into this mold, to fulfill these expectations that are almost impossible to fulfill, that everything I do just isn’t enough. But by doing this, by conforming, I am losing my true self. Yet then again, maybe it’s now that I am actually realizing who I am.
College is a time to grow. Maybe that’s what’s happening; maybe I’m just growing up. I guess I never thought that growing up would be this confusing and so intimidating. It’s kind of like everyday is a test of life, except I never know if I’m passing or not. Come on, think about it. When your teacher doesn’t have your tests back to you for the next class, you freak out because you just want to know how you did. Maybe I’m just realizing that life isn’t as easy as I thought it would be.
The truth is, the days are flying by. I can remember my high school graduation like it was yesterday but now I am almost a junior in college. Where are the years going? Am I becoming and being the best me that I can be?
I have none of these answers. In fact, I don’t think any one does. Talking with some of the closest people in my life, I know that they also feel directionless. So I just thought, hey, why not just let anyone else out there know if they are feeling lost, confused, powerless and any other word you could use to describe this stage of life that they’re not alone.