‘Coming out’ not always welcomed by families

By Eleni Antipas
March 9, 2011

In August of 2010, Vasilis Giannopoulos, a native of Greece currently residing in New Jersey, was barely recognizable sitting on a bench in front of his parents’ house. He hardly spoke, his face was expressionless and he was about 100 pounds heavier. The docile Giannopoulos did not appear to be an average 30-year-old man.

A mere 12 years earlier, at the age of 17, Giannopoulos had the world in front of him. He had finished third in a marathon in his home country of Greece, which qualified him to compete in a marathon in London, England. The next stop for Giannopoulos was the Olympics. It was a life-long dream for Giannopoulos to represent his country in the Olympic games and he was so close to fulfilling his goal.

A month before Giannopoulos was leaving home to compete in London, he decided to tell his parents that he was gay.

“He told me a year before he decided to come out to our parents. I told him never to tell them because I thought it would hurt them. I never thought telling them would destroy him,” Giannopoulos’ brother said.

After coming out to his parents, he was no longer permitted to go to the competition. His mother did everything she could to keep him in the house and try to change him.

“I did not understand how three little words, I am gay, could carry a horrible enough meaning to want to break your son’s spirit and crush his dreams,” Giannopoulos’ brother said.

Giannopoulos’ mother explained that aside from homosexuality being a sin, it is a reflection on her as a bad mother. She has lived in the same village her entire life. A family’s reputation must remain intact in order to be accepted by the community.

“I had to stop this before people heard about it. The news brought so much shame to my heart. Nothing he did before mattered. There was no more pride, no more trust, just shame,” Dina Giannopoulos, Vasilis’ mother, said.

Before coming out to his parents, his days revolved around training, adhering to a strict diet and hanging out with friends. Unable to attend the race in London and forbidden to see his friends, his behavior changed drastically.

He stopped eating, did not speak to anyone and slept 14 hours a day. Other times he would eat everything in sight, laugh out loud for no reason, ramble on as if he was having conversations with himself and did not sleep for days.

During a big family dinner one evening, for no reason at all, Giannopoulos flipped the entire table upside down and proceeded to laugh about his actions. His mother yelled at him to behave. He grabbed a knife off of the floor and started to cry.

“Someone is coming for me. I hear them, all night long I hear them. They want to break my knees. They don’t want me to race tomorrow,” Giannopoulos said.

One night, a few days later, Giannopoulos’ brother woke up to use the bathroom at 3 a.m. and found him in the bath tub, washing himself with talcum powder and a sponge until his arms and legs were bleeding.

“I was in shock. I did not know what he was doing. He kept repeating the same phrase over and over again, ‘I can’t be dirty.’ I helped my brother out of the ice cold water that he had been in for hours and into bed. ‘How did this happen?’ I thought to myself,” Giannopoulos said.

One night while Giannopoulos’ mother was sleeping, he went into the kitchen and drank nearly full bottle of whiskey and took what was left of a bottle of aspirin, 23 pills.

His family was woken up by the sound of his body crashing into the china cabinet. He was rushed to the hospital. It was the first time he left the house in over two months.

After 10 days in the intensive care unit (ICU), Giannopoulos met with the psychiatrist who came from a hospital in Athens. He was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

According to the International Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans and Intersex Association (ILGA-Europe), homosexuals are 50 percent more likely to experience anxiety and depression than their heterosexual counterparts.

Silvan Agius, policy director of ILGA-Europe, explained that the majority of homosexuals suffering from mood disorders relate their condition to a lack of support from family and friends, negative social stigmas associated with being gay and having to conceal their feelings from others.

“He was given medication but the doctor explained to my parents that he also needed treatment at home or in a institution. My mother insisted that the medicine would make him better. I honestly believed in that moment she thought that my brother was bipolar because he was gay. I really think she was trying to cure him of being gay,” Giannopoulos said.

In September his extended family, who had witnessed him getting sick all summer, came to say their goodbyes before returning back to America.

“I did not know that he had came out to anyone. When I suggested that they get him professional help, my sister told me he was just to weak to handle the stress of running competitively, and that he was embarrassed that he had quit the team,” John Salis, Giannopoulos’ uncle, said.

Last summer was the first time Giannopoulos’ mother allowed family members to visit again. Although heavily medicated, Giannopoulos still has lucid moments and his memory has not failed him. While taking a walk around the village with Giannopoulos, he spoke very clearly about his situation.

“I told the truth but my mother prefers the lie,” Giannopoulos said. “You don’t get to choose everything about who you are or who you become.”

 

In August of 2010, Vasilis Giannopoulos, a native of Greece currently residing in New Jersey, was barely recognizable sitting on a bench in front of his parents’ house. He hardly spoke, his face was expressionless and he was about 100 pounds heavier. The docile Giannopoulos did not appear to be an average 30-year-old man.

A mere 12 years earlier, at the age of 17 Giannopoulos had the world in front of him. He had finished third in a marathon in his home country of Greece, which qualified him to compete in a marathon in London, England. The next stop for Giannopoulos was the Olympics. It was a life-long dream for Giannopoulos to represent his country in the Olympic games and he was so close to fulfilling his goal.

A month before Giannopoulos was leaving home to compete in London he decided to tell his parents that he was gay.

“He told me a year before he decided to come out to our parents. I told him never to tell them because I thought it would hurt them. I never thought telling them would destroy him,” Stavros Giannopoulos, Vasilis’ brother, said.

After coming out to his parents, he was no longer permitted to go to the competition. His mother did everything she could to keep him in the house and try to change him.

“I did not understand how three little words, I am gay, could carry a horrible enough meaning to want to break your son’s spirit and crush his dreams,” Stavros Giannopoulos, Vasilis’ brother, said.

Giannopoulos’ mother explained that aside from homosexuality being a sin it is a reflection on her as a bad mother. She has lived in the same village her entire life.  A family’s reputation must remain intact in order to be accepted by the community.

“I had to stop this before people heard about it. The news brought so much shame to my heart. Nothing he did before mattered. There was no more pride, no more trust, just shame,” Dina Giannopoulos, Vasilis’ mother, said.

Before coming out to his parents his days revolved around training, adhering to a strict diet and hanging out with friends. Unable to attend the race in London and forbidden to see his friends his behavior changed drastically.

He stopped eating, did not speak to anyone and slept 14 hours a day. Other times he would eat everything in sight, laugh out loud for no reason, ramble on as if he was having a conversations with himself and did not sleep for days.

During a big family dinner one evening, for no reason at all, Giannopoulos flipped the entire table upside down and proceeded to laugh about his actions. His mother yelled at him to behave. He grabbed a knife off of the floor and started to cry.

“Someone is coming for me. I hear them, all night long I hear them. They want to break my knees. They don’t want me to race tomorrow,” Giannopoulos said.

One night, a few days later, Giannopoulos’ brother woke up to use the bathroom at 3 a.m. and found him in the bath tub, washing himself with talcum powder and a sponge until his arms and legs were bleeding.

“I was in shock. I did not know what he was doing. He kept repeating the same phrase over and over again, can’t be dirty. I helped my brother out of the ice cold water that he had been in for hours and into bed. How did this happen I thought to myself,” Giannopoulos said.

One night while Giannopoulos’ mother was sleeping he went into the kitchen and drank a nearly full bottle of whiskey and took what was left of a bottle of aspirin, 23 pills. His family was woken up by the sound of  his body crashing into the china cabinet. He was rushed to the hospital. It was the first time he left the house in over two months.

After 10 days in the intensive care unit (ICU) Giannopoulos met with the psychiatrist, who came from a hospital in Athens. He was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

According to the International Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans and Intersex Association (ILGA-Europe) homosexuals are 50 percent more likely to experience anxiety and depression than their heterosexual counterparts. Silvan Agius, policy director of ILGA-Europe, explained that the majority of homosexuals suffering from mood disorders relate their condition to a lack of support from family and friends, negative social stigmas associated with being gay and having to conceal their feelings from others.

“He was given medication, but the doctor explained to my parents that he also needed treatment at home or in a institution. My mother insisted that the medicine would make him better. I honestly believed in that moment she thought that my brother was bipolar because he was gay.  I really think she was trying to cure him of being gay,” Giannopoulos said.

In September his extended family, who had witnessed him getting sick all summer, came to say their goodbyes before returning back to America.

“I did not know that he had came out to anyone. When I suggested that they get him professional help my sister told me he was just to weak to handle the stress of running competitively, and that he was embarrassed that he had quit the team,” John Salis, Giannopoulos’ uncle, said.

The next several years no visitors, not even family were invited to their home; they did not celebrate any holidays and his mother never left him unattended.

Last summer was the first time Giannopoulos’  mother allowed family members to visit again. Although heavily medicated Giannopoulos still has lucid moments and his memory has not failed him. While taking a walk around the village with Giannopoulos he spoke very clearly about his situation.

“I told the truth, but my mother prefers the lie. You don’t get to choose everything about who you are or who you become,” Giannopoulos said.

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Eleni Antipas

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