Dwelling on cheaters not worth the time

By Noelle Westfall
February 22, 2010

Cheaters, beaters and bottom feeders are people most little girls have been told to stay away from for their whole lives. Unfortunately, when girls grow up they are often put through kissing the princes who turn into frogs. As a girl who has been cheated on, I’m very passionate about letting others know that even if they’re put in the terrible situation they can still come out on top.

The thing I’ve seen happen most often when a person is cheated on by their beloved is they take it personally. This is the first mistake. Your lover is the one being inconsiderate and disrespectful by cheating; so don’t let it bring you down. If there were something wrong with you it should be handled in a healthy way with a discussion. If the discussion about relationship problems doesn’t happen then you’re not in the know and, therefore, not at fault.

It’s a shame Elin Nordegren, Jennifer Aniston and Kate Gosselin have to see their men on the front page of People next to other women. Students have their own version of the People front page too. We’ve certainly all gotten that sick feeling when we see our ex smiling next to someone else in their profile picture. When this happens you’ve got to remember that it’s just an opportunity for you to make a hot picture, whether by yourself, with friends or with someone new.

I once heard Judge Lynn Toler say on “Divorce Court,” “The best revenge is moving on and being happy.”

To me this quote means you’re not letting someone’s insensitivity to your feelings get to you. While they have their reputation as a cheater you’re building your reputation as someone who is strong enough to not let challenges break them. Be a “survivor,” not a “victim.”

Betrayal is what I define as the worst part of being cheated on. Here you are, sharing your life with someone and you discover they had a whole separate life on the side they never told you about. It’s a feeling like no other when you find out, like being knocked down a flight of stairs and then pushed down again when you try to stand up.

I’ve never believed the world is full of either bad or good people. To me there are people who make bad choices and they are divided into two groups: those who own up to the choices and those who do not. The majority of cheaters I’ve known don’t own up to their cheating until they get caught. This is not “telling the truth,” this getting caught with your (fill in the blank) in the cookie jar.

I’m very thankful to say that my self-esteem was never affected even though I had a particularly unpleasant cheating experience. I know this isn’t true for most people however and that needs to stop immediately. When a person cheats they’re not going for someone of a higher moral character and standards. If they were then there wouldn’t be any cheating involved, the relationship would have ended honestly.

The most important thing to realize is that there is nothing you can do to stop someone who is a cheater. No amount of makeup, working out, changing your interests or spending more or less time together is going to change the fact that there unfortunately are people who will betray your trust. Don’t let it get to you. Just keep moving on with your life and reaching for the stars in everything you do. They are the ones who have to live with being a backstabber, not you.

Noelle Westfall

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