Describing my large, Italian family as “crazy” is an understatement. Our family gatherings are always hectic with people in and out of the kitchen, stories flying across the room and laughter at the comedian on TV. These gatherings take months of planning, so the ones that plan it tend to get anxious if the plan becomes skewed. The Fazzini plans are almost always changing because of the constant attention loss that occurs.
Those that cannot keep their attention span while planning normally do not become the anxious ones. I am one that sits back and waits for everything to be ready, but the anxiety from the planners will be picked up by others in the room. This anxious feeling has stuck with me which is why I am very organized and need to have a structure in my day. I was cursed with the Fazzini nerves, or was I?
I have always been able to push off the anxiety and move on with my day, especially in high school. When it came to tests or games, I knew it was more normal. I felt the amount of anxiety I actually was not normal because I would constantly be on edge being told to “calm down” by those around me. There were certain things I would see people do without being hesitant that made me see this.
For example, something as simple as eating the school’s lunch even though they packed, would just be a free choice they made. For me, I would be so nervous to do that. Who is going to eat the packed lunch? Is it going to go to waste? What if they don’t have money? Constant questions would stream through my head over something so minuscule.
The more I watched my family, the more I saw that they were able to laugh off their anxious feelings. I started to do this myself. I can make jokes about it now and I accept it more. I also learned that even if I just say “I’m anxious” out loud, my anxiety will decrease. I do enjoy laughing, so when I feel I am anxious over something so small, I will say it out loud and laugh. I have other things I need to actually worry about.
When I would bring it up to my parents, they would tell me it is good to have a little anxiety. It keeps your motivational drive high. It also helps with reading your intuition because of the gut feeling it gives you. I am much better at reading people because of my anxiety. I also feel I study more for tests when I am on edge versus when I do not care.
For example, in high school, I would not be too nervous for tests by my senior year, so I would not study as much. Now that I am in college, I feel I am studying for one exam the same amount I did for one year in high school. Just the words “your exam is coming up” will cause my hands to get clammy.
Another reason it is good to be anxious is that it can improve your performance, whether it is in school or on the field. I know I tend to shake with nerves before a lacrosse game or cross country meet. That drive is what pushes me to do better. Everything is really mental, so having that push is already an advantage. If you can handle the mental aspects of anxiety, I feel that is a plus in life. Because of the anxiety I have, I know that I can handle a lot more since I can balance everything. My need for a structured day and scheduled week keeps me focused on the important parts of my day. So maybe the Fazzini nerves aren’t a curse. In the long run, I know the anxiety will help me grow as a person.
