Almost everyone seeks acceptance from their peers in hopes to “fit in.” In today’s world, this thought process is worsening on social media. People will post pictures or videos that make them look as though they are constantly happy and having fun. Most of the time, they are edited to look that way. Some will hide their true selves for the sake of “likes” online.
It is scientifically proven that as humans we do seek approval more than we should. According to Chintan Zalani: The psychology behind seeking validation, it goes back to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. In order to reach our full potential, we must gain the feelings of love and belonging. The example used is the “like” button on Facebook. Each “like” we get, we see as approval from those we are friends with.
This type of validity does not help us as people. Essena O’Neill, a popular Australian YouTuber, speaks out about her social media obsession in Psychology Today: Seeking Validation Online Doesn’t Bring Real Happiness. She consistently posted “perfect” pictures and received positive feedback. She realized this did not make her as happy as she hoped. She says, “social media is not real life.” This helps show how damaging it can be to want to be accepted so badly.
Seeking approval happens in real life, too. We will act a certain way in order for others to like us. Peer pressure is also tied into this, which teenagers experience quite often. It can happen in school or even after college for a job. Of course it is normal to want to feel loved and have a sense of belonging, but it is conforming with the pressures that makes this acceptance cruel. It is important to stick to your own morals and seek happiness within yourself and not others.
Alexis Sharp, a sophomore at Cabrini, is another advocate on being yourself. She does not listen to what others say, she will do what she wants or not do what she does not want to do.
“When I first came to Cabrini, I wanted everyone to like me and make instant friends, but I realized that not everyone is going to like me, and that’s okay,” Sharp said.”I try to live by the motto ‘live your best life.’ At the end of the day, that’s all that matters.”
There are many ways to overcome wanting this approval. Tiny Buddha is a website of wisdom to help those struggling internally. Psychologists give their input in order to help answer some common, yet difficult to answer questions. Their article, How to Let Go of the Need for Approval to Start Thriving, states a few ways to fix seeking approval from others.
It starts with creating a journal about your daily accomplishments. This will create a strong foundation of staying honest with yourself. Next is to notice how you speak and act around others. You should remind yourself of your own validation, if it is something you are comfortable doing or saying. Lastly, look at your responsibilities based on “people pleasing” and importance for yourself. If you overburden yourself with people-pleasing tasks, it is smart to limit a few for the sake of your daily schedule. This will help teach you to do the things that keep your self esteem from being damaged by others as well as relieve anxiety.
