Zombie Survival Guide

By Melanie Greenberg
October 24, 2011

Zombies are going to end the world as we know it. When I make this statement, I either end up having a long, in-depth conversation about the reasons behind my belief that brain-eating, undead walkers are going to take over the planet, or I am told I am insane and should get a hobby. Now, whether or not you believe in zombies (which we would never refer to them as such due to the horror movie rules), crazies, walkers or the infected, if the Center for Disease Control has a plan, you should too.


1. Stay off the highways. Take the back roads. Sure they may seem more ominous but when you’re stuck in traffic with thousands of others attempting to escape the outbreak, you’re basically making your own grave.

2. Get to rural areas. Many people believe heading to a grocery store or the mall where essentials are easily found is the brilliant idea. Wrong. Fleeing to populated areas is the worst idea possible because once a person is bitten, the spread is quicker. In cities, there are more corners to hide around. Isolated farms are the smartest idea so attacks are not by surprise.

3. Only pack essentials. You need to be quick and agile when running from a herd of hungry, decaying droolers. Water, food, reliable footwear, medication and if you’re sentimental, throw some family photos in your bag. Pack a change of underwear because with the fear of being eaten, you’ll probably need them.

4. Arm yourself with weapons. Steal a gun and ammunition, one that can shoot multiple rounds. Now, be wary because these undead flock to loud noises. Blunt objects, knives, machetes and other lethal-type objects are great to carry around. Only pack what you are capable of carrying. Do not over-weaponize.

5. Be prepared to kill your loved ones. Putting a bullet into the head of someone we care about is not something we have to deal with on a daily basis. But if that loved one becomes infected, save them from the fate of becoming a brainless monster. Protect yourself from being infected. In times of an apocalypse, save yourself at all costs but try not to piss off the other survivors. You could be used as bait if you become “that guy” in the group. Trust no one with a shady-looking wound in the shape of a bite. Off them. Fast.

6. Climb up, not down. Zombies cannot climb or scale buildings. Get to the top and destroy the staircase.


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Melanie Greenberg

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