by Michael A Kazanjian
a&e editor
Something just didn’t seem right. There was football. There were beer commercials. There were overstuffed men on couches with chicken wing sauce accessorizing their shirts. And suddenly there was `N Sync. There was Britney Spears. Something had gone wrong and there was nothing any of us could do about it. Stomachs should have started churning when the Backstreet Boys sang our beloved National Anthem with as much gusto as a drizzle, but we stayed hopefully optimistic.
The game itself was setting up to be a bore. The Giants forgot what they were doing there and the Ravens were too busy hoping that the recent controversy surrounding Ray Lewis (who was later named MVP) would be forgotten in the midst of their big day. Never fear, halftime was approaching. Most of us use this opportunity to restock our plates or to visit the porcelain god, but there are quite a few who rather enjoy the overblown glory that is the Super Bowl Halftime Show. And for those of us who sat around, it turned out to be a tragedy.
It didn’t start off too bad. A skit featuring the always-entertaining Ben Stiller rehearsing with Aerosmith was something that a football fan could appreciate. After all, Aerosmith is a rock and roll band. Then, suddenly, the camera panned away from Tyler and Co. to the Prince’s of Pop, `N Sync. The skit ended. Cut to a birds eye view of the stadium. The lights went down, lasers and explosions lit the field and then, inevitably, the music started. But it’s the music that played that had football fans up in arms. There they were. `N Sync had taken the stage. Swaying back and forth in perfect time, grabbing their bony hips and shaking their perfectly made up heads, they put most Revlon models to shame. This isn’t football, this is teenybopper fluff. After three excruciating minutes of “Bye,Bye,Bye,” Aerosmith took the stage. The bad part: they played their most heartwarming, least rock song-like smash “Don’t Want to Miss a Thing.” Even Aerosmith sold out. Please, make it stop. Please.
It only got worse.
The bands joined forces; Aerosmith finishing `N Syncs lyrics and then Aerosmith launching into “Walk This Way” with every last curly headed bubble gum boy on stage joining in. And then, the “special” guests. Mary J. Blige steps on stage warbling through the lyrics as Nellie appears from the right rapping the 20-year-old words. But we hadn’t seen a thing yet. She appeared out of a cloud of smoke. Scantly dressed and off key as usual Britney had arrived. The evening had fallen into a hole and nothing could get it out.
How did this happen? It’s not fair to say that football is strictly a “mans game” but realistically far more men enjoy the game than our lovely counterparts do. The sad fact is all that really matters is ratings. CBS knows that 13 year old girls aren’t going to tune in for the big game so they need to get them to watch some other way. And it’s very effective. Early rating reports say that it was one of the highest rated halftime shows to date. But die-hard football fans want something different. Give them the Rolling Stones, give them Springsteen, for chrissakes give them James Brown. Just don’t give them something that makes them feel a bit more feminine during a football game. Is that too much to ask? What’s on the agenda for next year, a New Kids On The Block reunion?
