Keep you lips sealed

By Jason Radka
October 28, 2005

Jerry Zurek

In order to coexist in college, a bond must be fused between roommates and friends in order to concoct a friendship. But, what if you see your roommate walk up to the brand new SET building and shatter a window? Okay, you hate this guy to begin with. As you see the glass shatter all over the place in the whirlwind of impact and watch glass fluttering in people’s eyes all the way down in the Xavier hall parking lot, you remember you have to live with this clown for the rest of the year. Everybody makes mistakes. Remember when you were young and the “good” kid always told your mom or dad when you did something bad? Who ever liked that kid anyway? At least I didn’t, and so it goes. Don’t rat out your friends or roommates even if you don’t like them; don’t defy trust.

Seeing as though your roommate thinks he is Captain America and can do whatever he pleases at whoever’s expense, don’t be the thorn in his side. Let the merrymaker have his fun. As you think about it more and more, the buffoon will continue his relentless vandalizing of other statuesque buildings with value. You watch your troubled roommate spray his initials on the windows next to the cafeteria. Finally, on the door of the mansion he carves his name into the door, for he is a legendary vandal and will never get caught. Funny thing is, you’re taking out the trash in your dorm room and see his academic probation letter. He had you fooled by his mastery, to think his name on the mansion door wasn’t enough, and now this!

Soon enough, even the school newspaper is covering the tracks of this phantom vandal on campus. You begin to feel guilty for you are the only student on campus that knows who the vandal is. Then something hits you. All of a sudden you’re turning into the “good” bad guy by not turning him in. Soon, public safety will be snooping in your direction.

This situation can go in two directions. You can crack and have everyone pissed off at you, or you can be villainous and watch the dogs close on your roommate and his antics. Even so, you can take pleasure in watching public safety uncover his name on the mansion door and get closer and closer to busting the vile fiend. Even with public safety’s brand new off-road vehicles and technological advances, they are closing in month by month as quickly as they can. You decide to take the role as the devil’s advocate and keep quiet, it’d be more fun this way, right? Patience is key. Yes, retribution shall be yours!

Finally, you receive a phone call from George Stroud looking for your roommate. You tell him he’s at class, he laughs and gives you a message for the swashbuckler meet George in his office today at 4:00. Ah darn, 4:10 career development: you won’t be back in time to wish him well.

Later you return to your dorm and it turns out your roommate got kicked out of school. This is the greatest news. Wow, you think to yourself I guess good things do come to those who wait. Feeling ecstatic and masterfully accomplished, you can fall asleep tonight and not wake up in the morning with shaving cream in your face.

See what happens when you don’t rat out people you hate? Eventually they get what they deserve. If you know somebody that commits a murder, by all means come forth, but stupid school internal things shouldn’t be publicized. That’s what we have public safety for, right?

Finally, the true raw message I’m trying to get across is that students should just mind their own business. You don’t want to turn heads that don’t need to be turned, especially at an institution this small.

Posted to the web by Tim Hague

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Jason Radka

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