Greatest cartoon character

By Jason Radka
December 8, 2005

So who is the greatest cartoon character ever? It is impossible to conjure one up in your head and that be it, oh no. It is a highly technical process that one must consider many different traits and characteristics that put the character on a level like no other.

A great cartoon character must be normal, but may possess super powers in an alias form. Another trait a cartoon must have is a catchy theme song that you won’t forget overnight, as well as catch yourself humming in class. A trusty sidekick, pet and an arch-nemesis must also be considered. Don’t forget that this character must always seem like the unfortunate one but always wins in the end. Maybe the most important trait is that this character must be the main character. I contest you readers to challenge my analysis of why Doug Funnie is the most dominant animated human ever. Querying my friends and other students on campus, I gather that close runner-ups are Inspector Gadget, Homer Simpson and Stewey Griffin. Don’t get me wrong, I respect and find all three of those characters funny, but none of them compare to Doug Funnie’s omniscience.

Wowsers! Okay, Inspector Gadget is pretty sick. With his robotic-limb-extending-type body, Inspector Gadget does posses several qualities that a great cartoon should. However, he does have downfalls. Inspector didn’t have a sidekick, although the audience always knew that Penny and Brain were on the case to help bring down Dr. Claw. Unforunately, I think Inspector Gadget isn’t the greatest for a few reasons. First of all, he never completed the mission on his own thanks to Brain and Penny. If I could recollect an episode of when Inspector Gadget solved the mystery of his own power, I may rescind my negative thoughts about him. Oh yeah, this message will self-destruct in five seconds. It never was five seconds; it was more like 15 and Chief Quimby always blew up. Now that was funny. He never caught M.A.D cat or Dr. Claw. Tisk, tisk, Gadget; you lose.

“For every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you!” Stewey Griffin is another quality character. With his trusty sidekick bear Rupert and his meddling attacks against Lois, Stewey does deserve to be a runner-up to Doug Funnie. I do nearly contradict myself in saying that the main character must get the nomination, but on a show with so many great characters that shine in the limelight in random episodes, Stewey does deserve consideration. Seeing as though Stewey insults Bill Cosby, traps toddlers in a hidden pit under the sandbox and gets beat on “Star Search” by Sinbad, he’s definitely cool. However, his mischief and wrong-doings are always counteracted by Lois. Stewey never wins. He has no aliases and has a one sided personality: death to Lois! Stewey, you’re the man, but you’re no Doug Funnie.

I fear putting Homer Simpson underneath Doug Funnie because almost nearly every website I tried to compare to Doug Funnie on, even, had him ranked number two. Homer is an ultimate cartoon character. Although he has no side kick, Homer has managed to blow up Springfield, get abducted by aliens and assume aliases, such as Pie Man and Mr. Plow. Homer possesses the quality of a normal citizen with a normal family and even has a dog. Homer has his stupid dimwitted personality as well. Homer never really falls short of greatness and is definitely number two to Doug Funnie in my eyes.

Ah, Doug Funnie. You are the model super cartoon character. What other characters do you know that have not one, but two aliases? Maybe Homer Simpson, but he only appears as those two I mentioned in their own respected episodes. How cool is Smash Adams? A mock James Bond character, Smash is smooth and always gets the girl, who happens to be Patty Mayonnaise. In his sleek black suit and bowtie, how much cooler can you get? Oh yeah, what about Quailman? Quailman made wearing underwear on the outside of your pants look good, not to mention the belt on his head. It was great that his best friend Skeeter, or should I say “Silver Skeeter,” was a great sidekick. Doug’s dog Porkchop, or “Quaildog,” also played a prominent role. Doug had an arch-nemesis in Roger Klotz. Besides all of the fantasy life of Doug Funnie, he is just a normal citizen of Bluffington on 21 Jumbo Street. Attending Bluffington High, you could always catch him getting a quick bite to eat at the Honkerberger.

Arguably, these characters are just a chosen few characters able of be compared to each other. However, I think that Doug Funnie qualifies as the best of the group, and maybe the best ever. I hope you all agree.

Posted to the web by Shane Evans

Jason Radka

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