Dr. Love
Guest writer
Admit it, lately you’ve been getting less play than a flat basketball.
You are, for lack of a better word, a loser. It’s gotten so bad that even your dog doesn’t desire your once appealing leg.
Well, OK, not that bad, but pretty close.
Everything will be fine. We’ve all been there before. In fact, it’s a place more frequented than Disneyland, but deal with it. Whenever we run into a dry spell, we’re bound to strike oil again soon. It’s all about how you deal with the time in between that saves you from going insane.
So, here we go. Dr. Love presents “The Ultimate Guide to a Boring, Lonely Life.”
Make it a “Blockbuster Night.” Sure you’re alone in your room, but that doesn’t mean you can’t catch up with some friends from fantasyland. Go the video store, rent a movie, and enjoy some people whose lives are just a tad bit more entertaining than yours. But don’t be foolish and rent some sappy romance like Bridges of Madison County if you plan on making it through the night. Pick something like Fight Club or The Godfather. Trust me, romance is not a main priority in either film.
Call that friend of yours that you never plan on seeing again for the rest of your life and hassle him about that $5 you lent him in fifth grade. That’s sure to put a smile on your face.
Find some old pictures of yourself when you were going through those “awkward” years of adolescence. You’ll see that no matter what shape you’re in now, you’ll never be that bad off again.
Grab a pen and paper and just start writing. Don’t think about a thing that you’re putting down on that paper (kind of like what I’m doing here) and see what comes out. Who knows, maybe you’ll find the answer to your solitary life somewhere in those words.
But do us all a favor, if the page contains anything about a bomb scare or a hit list, please burn the paper and never ever do this exercise again.
And last but not least, crawl into a ball and cry like a baby because no one else is going to give you that much sympathy. But do yourself some good and don’t tell anyone at all about this because you need all the help you can get at this point. Shooting yourself in the foot by saying you’re a wuss doesn’t constitute as help.
So there you have it, five easy ways to pass time through your dry-as-the-Sahara love life. Your time will come soon, it’s inevitable. At lest keep telling yourself that. That’s it for now, see you all next time.
