Four years come and gone. I’ll tell you what; I feel like an old man. I can remember having college success seminar thinking that this is never going to end and it is going to be great. Well, I assure you my fellow Cabrinians, it ends, and when it does, it feels like a ton of bricks.
Actually it’s like a ton of bills. You know how they say that in a vacuum a feather and a train will fall at the same speed. Well, in reality, my bills and a ton of bricks are going to fall at exactly the same speed. I will have loans up to my ears to pay off.
At the end of winter break I had approximately $1000 in my bank account from working all break. It is now March. I have gone through about two months of school paying for a trip to Florida, house utilities, food and booze; I have approximately $120 left.
You may find yourself asking what will I be surviving on for the next couple of months, and I will most likely tell you a combination of things. It will be a combination of money that I make from odd jobs and also, I say without hesitation, my parents. This will get me through school just fine. What I am more worried about is my life after school.
I don’t find myself worried as much as I am apprehensive. I don’t want to wake up one morning and realize I’m 50 working at Acme’s rival bagging groceries for snobby women who ask me to double bag when I never do. I will not succumb to double bagging snobby women’s groceries. That can be seen as a metaphor to how I will act in the system; in this corrupt system that is going to make me pay back over $10,000.
It is a ploy, ladies and gentlemen. An elaborate scheme which everyone is in on: the man, colleges, etc. There is a reason college is so expensive. So that you will have to take out tons of loans, get out of college and have to pay them back. In order to pay them back you have to get a job, correct? There is no time in between. There is no me time. No one gets out of it. Even the kids who don’t go to college have to begin working right after high school because what the hell else are they going to do for money. It’s just how things work. It’s a sick, sick cycle that no law-abiding citizen can get out of.
What am I going to do? Well, I’m looking for that dare-to-be-great situation. That moment where I have to make an instinctual decision on whether or not I am ready to make a choice on where my life is headed. I am too indecisive to make a long-term decision on what I want to do with myself. I need to make a decision on the drop of a dime, and that’s what I going to stick with. And I will most likely be happy with that decision. If that time doesn’t come along, then I will pull a dime out of my own pocket and accidentally knock it out of my hand.
As for the money, I’ll worry about that when it comes along. I don’t want to be sucked into this soul-eating cycle; I won’t do it. The soul is too precious to waste in this corruptive society.