Still dealing one year later

By Marisa Gallelli
October 21, 2004

Cecelia Francisco

One year ago on, Sept. 24, 2003, my grandmother passed away. Now, one year later, my family and I are still taking it the best way we know how, one day at a time. Personally for me, though it feels as if a giant wedge has formed between all of us, because in every sense of the word, my Nana, as we fondly called her, was the glue of the family.

I still think about her often, and miss her terribly. Some days when thinking of my Nana, I sometimes get the impression that she’s somewhere nearby.

Even though every person deals with grief in different ways, sometimes it does not feel like I have dealt with mine at all. It’s as if in my own way I am refusing to mourn her passing to stop myself from believing that she really is gone.

Although I know in my head that she is, it is almost as if my heart just refuses to believe that she really is gone.

This past year has been very difficult on me; my Nana was a constant source of inspiration and bravery to me. I saw how she would always remain strong for the rest of us even when she was sick and in the hospital, or when my grandfather was in the hospital, she would sit there and tell us that everything was going to be alright.

A little less than a year after she passed away, my grandfather went into the hospital to have a bypass heart surgery. When I heard this I was absolutely terrified, because it scared me to death that I may lose another grandparent.

I knew in my heart of hearts that my Nana would be watching out for him.

I have always had certain beliefs and one of the main ones is that even though those you love may not be with you in this life, they are still watching out for you anyway.

You may not realize it, but they are there.n this past year I have realized a few things, the most important of all being that, no matter what my family is always there for me. The second is that no matter what I do, or where I go, they will always be there for me supporting me in all I do.

The last but certainly not the least thing, is that even though it may seem weird I can always talk to my Nana, even though she may not be in front of me or across a phone line any more,

I am still able to speak aloud to her, if I feel the need to just tell her something, and every now and then I find myself telling her that I miss her and wish that she was still here with us.

Sometimes, the grief can be overwhelming, and be all-consuming when it hits me off guard in a moment a stress or frustration, and can hit me like a ton of bricks, or so it feels.

Needless to say although I miss my Nana terribly and wish sometimes that I just had seen her one more time to tell her I loved her, I know that what I had with her was very special.

I will never forget her for as long as I live, for she is always in my heart and mind.

Every day and I love and miss her terribly.

Posted to the web by Cecelia Francisco

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Marisa Gallelli

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