‘Sloppy seconds’ a no-no in rules of feminism

By Kelsey Kastrava
November 19, 2009

Women are prone to jealousy among each other. We, as human beings, constantly compete with one another. That is why, as friends, we owe it to each other to follow certain rules of feminism.

Girlfriends don’t let girlfriends eat the extra jelly donut. Real friends tell you you’re prettier than the girl he dumped you for. Your gal pals should fix the first smudge of mascara when you have a broken heart.

Above all of the simplest of rules, the obvious is don’t in the “land of women” ever date your best friend’s ex-boyfriend.

This seems easy, right? Avoid ever looking at your best friend’s significant other as anything but her property. Forget about his chiseled features and his nice car. He is off-limits. Ever hear of the saying there are plenty more fish in the sea? Sail to another ocean, ladies.

I speak from experience. I’m not talking about a guy your best friend hooked up with a couple of times, though that is also banned under the rules of feminism.

Two close friends of mine were best friends since the fourth grade. From family vacations with each other, to BFF necklaces and tons of secrets shared between them. After two and a half years of a serious relationship, one of the girls ended it with her boyfriend. Within three weeks, the third wheel of their relationship, her best friend, scooted into shotgun.

It only took three weeks to destroy a friendship of seven years. How could anyone possibly be happy with their friend’s sloppy seconds?

As far as the new couple being “meant for each other,” that is a joke. Instead of consoling her dear friend in what was the pit of her own little world, she kept her heart churning in the blender of hurt and despair.

Imagine sharing the ins and outs of your relationship with your best friend. Secrets like embarrassing first time moments, your ridiculous plans of marrying your high school sweetheart and the quirky details about your confidant. Now picture knowing your best friend reliving all of the same things with the person you loved.

To ice the cake of betrayal, visualize what it would do to your entire group of friends. They would divvy themselves into teams because, as women, we know no one truly stays neutral.

You would either realize the real friend who needs people by her side, or you would foolishly wave the flag of the bitch that ruined her best friend’s life.

What is daunting to me is how can the girl trust a guy who dates around like that? What makes this girl think he won’t stomp on her heart and hook up with a friend of hers? It is almost amusing to think someone can kiss their social life goodbye at the drop of a hat for a guy that is clearly a player.

As friends, you sacrifice things in an effort to shine light on the ugly situations our friends are put into. It should not matter how attracted you are to the guy, control yourself. How stimulating could a relationship be with your best friend’s ex knowing how much hurt you are causing someone else?

I am a firm believer in “it takes one to know one.” Unless you have had your own heart broken into five million pieces, you can’t understand the feeling of your fairy tale of boy meets girl flying out the window. If you know what it is like be saddened over a relationship, there is no way you could put a friend through that.

In addition to believing experience is knowledge, I deem karma to run its course in all situations.

It will probably take time, but for all the girls who shame the female species in robbing their friend’s beau, you will someday suffer the sting of heartache in all of its malice just as you so quickly pricked your best friend with the same venom.

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Kelsey Kastrava

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