Sleepovers with the opposite sex: other parents appease

By Kasey Minnick
April 12, 2007

It wasn’t like my parents decided the first night after they met my ex-boyfriend that he could come and sleepover like it was no big deal. Instead, we were an “item” for five years and my parent’s decided he was able to stay over at my house, in my room, after being serious for about two and a half years.

I was a senior in high school and in a very loving relationship at the time. Our families were very close, especially our mothers who would talk on the phone daily. So, that was possibly one reason why it was never a major concern that my boyfriend and I would stay up late to watch movies in my bedroom and eventually fall asleep together; we were looked at as practically married.

No, my parents did not think that just because we slept in the same bedroom together that there were actions taking place that they condoned, but they simply trusted us and our judgment. Also, my door was to never remain closed and my parents’ bedroom door was literally two feet away from mine.

In the end, after five years of being with my boyfriend, I decided to call it quits because I realized we were both going in different directions in college and in our lives. However, I think if we weren’t allowed to have our “sleepovers,” we wouldn’t have been so serious a couple and could have stayed together longer because we would have had something to look forward to sharing in the future. Now that I think about it, that seriousness freaks me out and that is why my parents’ decision will influence my decision when I have kids of my own.

I think when my children bring home their boyfriend or girlfriend of a few years and ask why they can’t have them stay the night, I will tell them because that is something you both need to look forward to when the time comes. If I were to allow my children to get the same treatment I did, I think in the end it could scare them as much as it did myself.

Being 18 years old and having a boy stay over in my bedroom just shouldn’t have happened at that age. Sharing the same bed, I believe, should happen at a much later and more serious time in a relationship. Five years just isn’t enough.

I am not saying that my parents scarred me for life with making this decision, but they absolutely helped me choose one of the rules I will have for my children and I thank them for that. I know when I get to this stage in a few years and I have to eventually come to the point of talking to my children about this issue, they may hate me when I tell them no, but I believe it will keep my children’s relationships stronger and more pure.

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Kasey Minnick

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