Peeling rubber does not appeal to everyone

By Lauren Reilly
November 13, 2003

Cecelia Francisco

I have noticed that many students on campus take way too much pride in what they drive. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I’m a girl, but why on earth would anyone cover their car with tacky decals or “modify” their exhaust so that it sounds like I’m driving beside an airplane. Do you really think that by making it louder people will think that you’re driving faster?

I’m really sorry to hear about your abilities in logical reasoning or the lack there of. I’ve also noticed that some of the spoilers are getting out of control. Are you serious? Could you tell me where I can get the flying feature installed on my car because I think it could be useful when I’m stuck in traffic.

I don’t mean to specifically target the male population, but face it, it’s not like you’ll find many soccer moms doing burnouts or revving the engines of their mini-vans at a stoplight. So even if your car is faster than mine, what are you getting out of it? Aside from a pair of swelling testicles, absolutely nothing.

Please don’t think that your phat ride can get you hot chicks because that seems to be a common misconception. Your car will not cause me to rip my clothes off and make sweet passionate love to you. There’s a word for those kinds of girls and it rhymes with slut.

What is the real reason behind all that tinting? Are you a fugitive on the run? Are you over-sensitive to the sun’s rays? I know it can get pretty rough on Cabrini’s West side, but I think it’s time you stop frontin’. Listen, I’m gonna give you the finger whether I can see your face or not.

I’m sure that this couldn’t be possible without great movies like “The Fast and the Furious” and it’s even better sequel “2 Fast 2 Furious” that was 2 cool 2 use spell check. With a talented actor such as Vin Diesel, I’m surprised that this classic work of art didn’t win an Academy Award…NOT. Let’s face it, the movie was missing…what’s that called again…oh right, a plot. I apologize if you liked the movie; everyone is entitled to their own opinion even if it sucks.

The sad thing about this is that it isn’t just the guys. I find that just as many girls are going far beyond the typical dashboard ornament. I’m disappointed in my own kind for partaking in such an adolescent game of mine is better than yours. Do you think you’re going to get special privileges with all that crap on your car? By all means, cut me off, after all you’re an Irish Princess. It’s a good thing I read that bumper sticker because I wouldn’t have known whom I was dealing with.

Wow, nice personalized license plate! Just think, with the money you spent on it you could’ve gotten a life. No need to fret though, people must learn from their mistakes and in your case I have learned how to prevent myself from looking like a loser. I’d like to thank you for saving me the two minutes that I would have taken out of my life to introduce myself to you.

Oh and by the way, Africa was looking for you; they wanted to know why you massacred all of their cheetahs. But don’t worry; they agree that they look much better on your seats than in their prairie lands.

Posted to the web by Marisa Gallelli

Lauren Reilly

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