NFL kickoff season predictions

By Staff Writer
September 16, 2004

Contributions also by Brian Rice

The following comments are attempts at a humorous preview of the NFL season because it is too unpredictable for any factual analysis. Take them for what they are worth but they are only opinions.

Patriots- They won the past two Super Bowls but the real reason for their increase in popularity is because all the women long to see Tom “pretty boy” Brady.

Seahawks– The best thing to come out of Seattle since the TV show “Frasier” and Starbucks (that’s some good coffee).

Titans– Their success relies heavily on the health of their QB (Steve McNair).

Panthers– The team that once again stands between the Eagles and the road to the Super Bowl.

Rams– Three years ago we were talking about them in the Super Bowl now the playoffs seem out of reach.

Chiefs– Their offense puts points on the board as easily as I do in “Madden 2005” but their defense has too many question marks.

Eagles– To borrow from T.O.’s thoughts, if it smells like an overrated team, and looks like an overrated team, chances are they are the Eagles.

Ravens– Newly acquired loud-mouth Deion Sanders promises to shake things up but will anyone even notice in this outspoken, talented bunch?

Vikings– See Chiefs.

Colts– The” Big Three” are just that talented enough to lead them deep into the playoffs.

Broncos– This could be the year that the snake finally lives up to his potential while proving the theory that anyone can get 1,000 yards behind their offensive line.

Packers– Those “cheeseheads” always manage to make it into the playoffs. Expect it again.

Jets– Kevin Mawae makes me go “wow we.” That’s all I got.

Bengals– They are much improved but does anyone care?

Jaguars– Surprise! Could be contenders but I would still choose the vehicle in giving the better performance.

Lions– There is always next year. (This young team has a chance to grow.)

Steelers– Defense was once called “Steel Curtain” but now it should be referred to as the “Paper Mache Curtain.”

Falcons– see Titans. (of course substitute Vick for McNair) They will be flightless without Vick.

Bills– All you need to know about Buffalo is damn does it get cold.

Redskins– New running back plus old coach equals same results, nothing.

Dolphins– The key word is smoke. Ricky Williams left to blow smoke and the Dolphins’ season will be going up in a stench-filled cloud of smoke.

Saints– Sing it with me, and the saints go marching home (missed the playoffs).

Bears– Da’ Bears (suck).

Giants– Past great QB meets future great QB equals mediocre present.

Cowboys– Vinny Testerverde got the job because doctors wouldn’t clear Roger Staubach in time for the preseason.

Bucs– The buc stops here and so does their playoff chances.

Texans– see Lions.

Raiders– Where old players go out to pasture.

Browns– Fans are going to wish that Art Modell had moved this team to Baltimore.

49ers– Wasn’t the Joe Montana era great?

Cardinals– All you need to know is damn it’s hot in Arizona.

Chargers– Who cares about this team, the majority of readers stopped reading after the Eagles trashing to go write hate mail.

Posted to the web by Cecelia Francisco

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