Loquitur Dome: The Eternal Debate–pro cats

By Mike Butler
November 30, 2000

Opinion by Mike Butler

Some of you may not believe this, but I am a cat person. And believe it or not, I really don’t like dogs. In fact, I have a slight fear of them and I’ll tell you why.

When is the last time you saw a story on the evening news about a housecat ripping a little boy’s arm off or mauling a little girl? I’m willing to wager that you haven’t. But dogs have been known to do that. You will only have to fear a cat eating your children if you have a tiger or a lion as a pet, which unless you’re Sigfried and Roy is damn unlikely.

This is not to say that cats are wimps. Cats are born predators. Aside from the retractable claws, the hearing of cats is amazingly good as they can accurately pinpoint the slightest sound and then attack it. Cats also have the best binocular vision of land animals, meaning that not only can they see things from far away but that their eyes can also zoom in on the subject as well. Add an excellent sense of balance that allows cats to perform wild acrobatic feats and land on their paws, you’ve got an animal that can take care of itself.

And taking care of itself is what a cat does best. Unlike dogs who are kiss-ups for doggie treats, cats are mostly independent creatures. Yes, they want food and attention, but more or less they have their own agendas. And contrary to popular belief, you can teach tricks to a cat, but only if the cat wants to do them. Dogs, on the other hand, live on performing tricks for their master as if it validated their pitiful existence. If dogs were in the workplace, they’d be the cogs in the corporate machine while the cats would be up in the executive office eating Fancy Feast out of a crystal goblet.

“But `80s, dogs are useful because they can keep burglars away and can sniff for drugs,” I hear you say. “What can cats do?” Cats have been useful throughout history. On long sea voyages, ship captains would bring along a cat to kill the rats that would sneak aboard. In farms, cats would eliminate mice from the barns. And after killing their prey, cats would, and still do, bring their kill to their master, proud of their work.

In basest terms, cats are cleaner than dogs. Cats take pride in their cleanliness. Cats have litter boxes, dogs have the outside world. Who’s the more civilized creature? The obvious answer is the cat.

And being more civilized and elegant than the dog is why cats lived with Egyptian royalty back in the days when Egypt was the most happening place in the world.

So, my fellow readers, the choice is obvious. Cats are sleeker, classier, more free-thinking, cleaner, and above all just plain more adorable than dogs. Look at a kitten tell me that it isn’t cute. Bet you can’t do it. It’s plain to see that cats are the better pet, which is why felines are becoming, if they aren’t already, America’s most popular pet.

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Mike Butler

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