Everyone has a New Year’s resolution and it usually consists of eating better and exercising more frequently.
I’m here to tell you that that is bullshit.
Sorry guys, but it’s true. Do you honestly think that you are actually going to go to the gym in the frigid weather? Chances are you will freeze to death before you actually arrive at the Dixon Center.
And don’t even get me started on eating healthy. Eating healthy at Cabrini is like going to see a football game at Cabrini. It doesn’t exist (Give some credit to our football team though. They are after all undefeated.)
People need to stop kidding themselves. If you actually do stick to your guns and workout and eat healthier, then kudos to you. But all of you other phonies who use the escalator at your local gyms instead of the stairs need to find a new resolution.
I guess that makes me a phony too then, huh?
My situation was worse. I actually had the audacity to tell myself that I was going to do those things while I was on break and even before New Year’s. Man was I wrong.
I instead chose to drink Colt 45s, watch football and drink more Colt 45s.
Trust me, it wasn’t easy. I had to actually drive to get those bad boys. You know how much effort that requires? I had to physically get out of bed, find my keys and drive to the store. Why can’t that be a mom responsibility? Doing the wash, getting Colt 45s, what’s the difference? C’mon mom.
Anyways, New Year’s resolutions are stupid. Why does one have to wait for a new year to improve themselves?
I mean seriously. McDonalds employees should just start denying people at the drive through.
“Uh yeah can I have a small fry, a McDouble and a four-piece-chicken-McNugget?”
“It’s 2015 so no, you can’t. Have a nice day!”
One day I will break free and complete my New Year’s resolution. I WILL eat better and I WILL go to the gym.
….But only if I live in Florida.
Happy New Year’s ya filthy animals.
