Handy advice for the boys from the girls

By Jennifer Dalvano Alexis Striz
February 14, 2002

Applicable location: Cabrini College. Topic: Oh, no he didn’t. Have a seat, boys, this could take awhile.

It seems as though a large amount of our time as women is expected to be devoted to primping ourselves for the mere satisfaction of your approval. So we were wondering, while we are spending countless hours trying to improve upon our already naturally perfect looks, what the hell were you doing?

First of all, we like our hair as much as you do. However we are allowed to style, cut and color it to our liking. We don’t complain when you and a box or Clairol bleach get into a fight. Clairol did not intend for their highlighting products to be used in that manner. Therefore, we would appreciate all complaints pertaining to our hair to be kept to yourselves. And F.Y.I., testosterone is no excuse for you to go buck wild with a Bic razor on your head.

Moving right along. The State of Pennsylvania prohibits any act of lewd or lascivious behavior in public.this includes adjusting your junk. PERIOD. Please TRY to reframe from touching, grabbing, adjusting, itching, or rearranging your package in the presence of women. WE DON’T WANT TO SEE IT.Helpful hint, Gold bond powder, use it.

According to popular male opinion, the tighter and shorter, the better.

Well, guys, just because you expect us to be vacuum-sealed into our clothes, does not mean that we expect you to be swimming in yours. Medium means medium, not extra-large. Know your size and wear it. If your pants are falling off, buy a belt for the love of God. And when shopping for this belt, please make sure to consult the color of your shoes. A brown belt and black shoes equals a fashion NO-NO. Socks, let’s hit it. Black dress pants DO NOT call for white ankle socks. Wear them to the gym and nowhere else. If you can afford $150 shoes, please spring for the $4.99 dress socks to boot.

If you learn one word today please let it be clean.

Cologne is not soap and Febreeze is not detergent. Washing yourself and the articles of clothing worn day-to-day is essential in the art of good hygiene. We know you do not have seven of the exact same shirt, even though we see it everyday. Hopefully, you have learned that Cabrini has provided every house, apartment and dorm with their very own laundry facilities free of charge. PLEASE TAKE ADVANTAGE. One more thing, plug it in, turn it on and press. The iron is your friend.

Rough, we don’t like it like that. Put some lotion on those not so soft hands, moisturize those chapped lips and shave it off or grow it in. Get our drift guys? Stubble hurts. Another tip. Keep those hands clean and nails clipped, not bitten. We go to great lengths to keep our hands soft and holdable, don’t you think you should do the same?

So there you have it. Next time you’re chilling in the caf with your boys, and even consider passing judgment on our appearance, maybe you should take a good look at yourself? Reflect on all aforementioned points in this article, and consider them VERY carefully. How much effort did you put into looking pretty this morning?

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Jennifer Dalvano Alexis Striz

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