‘Girls: don’t waste the pretty’

By Laura Van De Pette
November 19, 2004

Do you know that guy in my life and probably in your life? Come on, you know him! He’s that guy who’s so tired from work, so stressed about the project he’s working on. He’s just been through an awful breakup and it’s really hitting him hard. He just got a new apartment and the move is a bitch. As soon as it all calms down he’ll call.

He’s the same guy who keeps me up all night wondering.

It is 4 a.m. and I find myself tossing and turning in my bunk-bed, my sheets are tangled all around me, my roommates are snoring, the clock keeps ticking and the deafening silence is nauseating. The silence fuels the hamster wheel that is spinning out of control in my mind.

I open my cell phone. No missed calls. This guy we all know has instigated the late night battle I seem to be fighting with my sheets.

I remember the words of my favorite author, Greg Behrendt, “This man you all know is a man made up entirely of your excuses. And the minute you stop making excuses for him, he will completely disappear from your life.”

Such a revelation hit me like a herd of elephants, the same herd that this guy would rather be trampled by than to tell me, “I’m just not that into you.”

To calm my mind which is racing, struggling to find the reason why he hasn’t called yet, I shuffle out of bed and grab my favorite author’s book, “He’s Just Not That into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys.” Next to the HBO television series, “Sex and the City,” which Behrendt wrote for, this book should be every young girl’s bible. The essential credo is, “Girls, don’t waste the pretty.”

In my exhausted state I began to really consider Behrendt’s philosophy. I know men love beer, football, fast cars and hot girls, but do I know when a man loves me?

Nope. Not a clue.

Behrendt made so much sense it was scary. He believes women need to understand a man’s physical actions to understand his thoughts. Behrendt said, “When a guy is into you, he lets you know it. He calls, he shows up, he wants to meet your friends, he can’t keep his hands off of you, and when it comes to sex, he’s more than overjoyed to oblige. I don’t care if he’s starting his job as the president of the United States the next morning, he’s coming up!” This startling truth opened my eyes wide and kept me questioning. One thing was for sure, I was not falling asleep anytime soon tonight.

I was convinced; every college-attending female needs to read this book. I find it hard enough to balance classes, homework, jobs, meetings and friends everyday. And I have found it is even harder when a committed relationship is tossed into the college mix. Hence the reason I am fixated on the ticking clock that now reads 5 a.m. Despite the tossing and turning, I keep reading.

I was reading so fast, I nearly finished the entire book. By the time I reached the concluding chapter, I knew for myself, he’s just not that into me.

If he were into me and into you, he would call. “Men find it very satisfying to get what they want. If a man wants you, he will find you and he will call. No matter how busy the day, he will call because men love getting what they want. And when a man wants you, a busy day will not stand in the way of a simple ‘Hello,'” Behrendt said.

With that in mind I turned my cell phone off and stopped telepathically willing it to ring. I’m not “wasting the pretty,” anymore.

By 6 a.m. I was exhausted, exhausted from the obvious truth I tried to ignore.

“He’s just not that into me,” I repeated. The more I said it, the more I realized how easy it is to recognize the reality.

Although I was exhausted, I felt empowered and in control. This was the best $12.99 I had ever spent. Who knew the real truth about dating was sitting on my night-stand the whole night? Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo’s “He’s just not that into you,” is a startling realty check that reminds all girls, “don’t waste the pretty.”

Posted to the web by Paul Nasella

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Laura Van De Pette

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