Gearing up for rejection

By defaultuser
February 1, 2001

by Dr. Love

guest writer

I won’t lie to you, I’m scared to death of three things: heights, rollercoasters and women. But I’d rather free fall out of a plane into the seat of a speeding coaster than approach a woman and say “hello.” I’m not alone in this and if you say I am, then you are flat out lying. We’ve all been there, male or female. When it comes to approaching the opposite sex our faces automatically flash awkward smiles, we become tighter than clams and we suddenly sprout tails to hide between our legs.

You figure by now we’d be in this game to help each other out. Instead we’re just out to hurt each other. Damn the opposite sex. Do they not realize the nausea, headaches, insomnia, stress and panic attacks that they put on us? And if they do, then why do we still bother trying to win them over? Because we are all fools. Plain and simple. Let the journey begin.

Rejection is end-all of tortures that this world bestows upon us. You can see it in the person’s face as they try to shoo you away like an annoying fly. They always smile as they stare at the ground hoping that if they pretend not to see you then you’ll go away.

Then come the excuses: “I’m sorry I have a boyfriend,” “I’m sorry I have gonorrhea,” “I’m sorry I’m not dating at the moment,” “I’m sorry you seem as if you like to dance and I have a wooden leg.” All lies. Except for the gonorrhea thing. That may be true. Either way it hurts like hell. Our bodies shoot into a re-coil and we’re left just standing there with nothing to say or do feeling like we’ve been slammed by a truck.

That’s not the hardest part though. The hardest part is when you start to come up with reasons why he/she didn’t respond the way that you wanted them to to your feeble pick-up lines. Never under any circumstances use an old line like, “Do you clean your pants with Windex, `cause I can see myself in them.” It just doesn’t work and word will spread like wildfire that you’re a dirty, unoriginal pervert. Not a place you want to be. Maybe your hair was too messy. Maybe it’s because you didn’t brush your teeth. But it is absolutely never the case that they just didn’t like you, if you want to retain some sanity.

So what do you do? Here’s the plan. Try to have a friend nearby while you’re planing your pursuit, but don’t make it obvious that he or she is watching you. Develop some sort of code system. If things are going horribly wrong do something like scratch the back of your head or pat your thigh, just do something to have your lifeline sprint over and save your pitiful being.

Rejection is always tough, trust me, I speak from experience and no matter what tricks you try you’ll always end up feeling more out of place and scorned than a yellow Smurf.We’re only scratching the surface here, there is so much that goes on in this “game” it’ll make your head explode. But stay strong, we’ll get through this together.

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