Dressing up is too much for 8:15 classes

By Lauren Reilly
October 2, 2003

Angelina Wagner

So tell me what’s going on because if I’m missing out on something I’d like to know. I’m sure it must be important since it’s 8:15 in the morning and it’s quite obvious that you are trying to impress someone in here. So let me guess; is it that married, middle-aged professor that you’re going after? Or maybe it’s just those really hot all American football players of ours instead. Well let me give you a hint: you don’t have a chance in hell with your teacher and the only hot things on this campus are the breakfast sandwiches.

So are you going to tell me why you’re dressed to impress? Listen, I’m not trying to blow your spot up, but what is the point of all that primping? Couldn’t you be doing something more constructive with your time…like studying? Now don’t feel like I’m singling you out, it’s not just you, and that’s why I’m asking. It’s like I can’t walk into a class anymore without feeling like I’m on the foot of a runway in Milan. I mean you’re wearing designer skirts and dresses left and right with matching bags and accessories. Come on! It’s biology, not Egypt on the Waterfront! I’m beginning to think that the chemicals from your “naturally” highlighted hair are beginning to affect your brain. And no offense, but we’re not at the Clinique counter in Macy’s, so chill out with reapplying that lipstick.

Now I know what you think, I’m just jealous, but in reality that couldn’t be farther from the truth. The fact is that I’m getting tired of coming into class just to feel like some really ugly extra in some bad J. Lo movie. You may think that being overly attentive about your looks doesn’t affect anyone else, but you’re really screwing things up for everyone and it actually goes far beyond you making me look like a dirt bag. To begin with, you’re throwing off the standards that we as women have been trying for years to lower. I don’t know if you remember, but there was a time when women were expected to look like Barbies and only after many years of fighting for equal rights did we begin to lose that dainty homemaker image. Not only that, but think about it, you’re not going to look young forever, so why ruin what comes so naturally now; you’ll have plenty of years ahead of you to clog your pores with whale lard. Plus, you realize that being so trendy now increase your chances of turning into one of those ladies who can’t come to grips with the fact that their prime is over and become stuck in some sort of fashion time warp for the rest of their lives; you know, the one’s that still rock the tapered, shady eighties stone wash jeans and crimp their hair. Hey, don’t think it can’t happen to you.

So I hope you see what I’m talking about now. I’m not asking you to throw away your $300 Gucci outfit that’s off the hizzle fo’ shizzle nor am I saying you can’t sport your ridiculously expensive jewelry from Tiffany’s that’s so bling bling, I’m just asking that you save it for the appropriate occasions. So be my guest and shake what your mama gave ya, just do it in moderation.

Posted to the web by Angelina Wagner

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Lauren Reilly

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