Domestic violence is not just a women’s issue.
A senseless shooting near the Santa Barbara campus killed six women and injured 13. The deadly May 23 rampage was sparked by the rage of the killer, Elliot Rodger, who made chilling videos documenting his hatred for the female gender.
Three victims were stabbed to death, the last three shot before the perpetrator shot himself. According to safehorizon.org, women ages 20-24 are at the highest risk of being abused. Most college students fall within this age group.
The deadly incident shocked the nation and ignited a social media frenzy. The outpouring for a new movement and shined light on the need to change the status quo for the next generation to ensure that these horrific incidents do not become a trend.
Unfortunately, in high profile cases the nation reacts to an atrocity and displays potential for change, yet these efforts vanish away once the media stops covering the news. This phenomenon is something that Jenny Boyer, director of housing and operations at Laurel House, understands firsthand.
“We have technology to use in our favor, to help get the message across and word out quickly. On the other hand, social media has caused deaths. It is completely a double-edged sword.”
“We need to take the good with the bad.”
Boyer has held her position for nine years at Laurel House, the domestic violence shelters offices which are stationed in Norristown. Laurel House’s mission since its creation in 1981 is to “Empower those impacted by domestic violence and advance social change.”
Laurel House’s volunteers and workers are committed to staying true to the original mission in changing times where domestic violence is a prominent and dangerous issue. Boyer acknowledges that the subject is less taboo than it has ever been and that even though “We progressed as a whole as far as the movement is concerned; we have a long way to go.”
Following in the sentiments of the YesAllWomen movement, Boyer understands the need to “Engage men in this process.” She points out that domestic violence is regarded as a feminist movement. However, domestic violence is “Not a woman’s issue, it’s about violence in a relationship,” as Boyer said.
“People need to decide that this is their issue too, explain to a room of 20, six will be in an abusive relationship.”
According to domesticviolencestatistics.org, every nine seconds in the US a woman is assaulted or beaten. Around the world, at least one in every three women has been beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused during her lifetime.
“People do not think anything applies until it affects them,” Boyer said. “Domestic violence is quiet, you don’t know if it is affecting your sister, boss or the woman who cleans the bathroom at work.”
The alarming statistics are more than numbers, each figure represent victims and their families who experience unbelievable tragedy. These families need to find people to believe in them and help them find a safe place to rebuild their lives.
According to safehorizon.org, most instances of domestic violence are never reported. Therefore, there are many victims who do not seek help for a variety of reasons.
The Laurel house site features a vast amount of useful information, including a diagram of the cycle of violence. This is a vicious cycle which begins with tension building, increases to violence and abuse and ends with the “honeymoon” phase.
Victims often blame themselves, thinking that they deserved the abuse, and fall back into the fatal pattern. Boyer adds that the abusers assuage their victims, turning their punches and threats around and showering the victim with apologies and promises.“The abuser systemically severs all relationships,” Boyer said.
Boyer explained that victims often miss days of work because the abuser is utterly controlling. At this point, the abuser does not want the victim to seek help from social and work circles and keep the victims from making his or her own living.
Victims may feel ashamed of any bruises or cuts that are telltale signs of foul-play, and the abuser does not want to arouse any suspicions. “Domestic violence victims lose nearly eight million days of paid work per year in the U.S. alone—the equivalent of 32,000 full-time jobs,” according to the domestic violence statistics.org. Boyer oversees the 30 -day shelter and transitional housing offered to help families claim their lives back.
According to the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development, domestic violence is the third leading cause of homelessness among families. The shelters and transitional housing help victims through not only having a safe place to escape and live, but by learning ways to cope with the trauma and rebuild their futures.
Victims of abuse are also the innocent children, the observers of the horrific assaults in their families. According to safehorizon.org, “Every year, more than three million children witness domestic violence in their homes. In addition, children who live in homes where there is domestic violence also suffer abuse or neglect at high rates (30 -60 percent).
The resources that Laurel House provides are essential in the recovery of the victims and the prevention of violence in the future. Each generation can prevent domestic violence and change the alarming statistics.
Safehorizons.org reports that “Without help, boys who witness domestic violence are far more likely to become abusers of their partners and or children as adults, thus continuing the cycle of violence in the next generation.”
Boyer explains that children are able to speak in a safe and warm environment where they “Give kids opportunities to see this does not have to be how mom and dad are treated.”
Boyer teaches “Coping skills in the same respect we work with mom, to have better tools to be a parent and work to help though trauma. We begin the process of understanding trauma, explain behavior within children and within self .”
Laurel House volunteers and workers place a high regard for the coping process as Boyer explained that their mission is to provide “Service surrounded by a a understanding of trauma, working to advocate medical services and helping support whole person.”
As explained in the cycle of violence, abusers control their victims and women were not allowed to work . Therefore, women have a “spotty” work history which Laurel House administrators help to rectify. “The women are self-sufficient, the whole time receiving emotional support.”
Boyer adds that it does not matter “If a victim is still in the relationship or has been gone for 20 years as one on one support groups are offered specialized one-on-one support groups, free of charge.”
Unfortunately, the program has suffered recent cuts as Laurel house lost $140,000 funding from outside sources “It is hard to recoup when losing public funding sources,”Boyer explains, “But we are continuously looking to ensure that core set of services match the mission and are productive.”
Women and men of all financial and social statuses can be victims of domestic abuse. As Boyer expertly said, “Domestic abuse does not discriminate.”
There are many layers to the growing issue and varying stigmas. Domestic abuse truly is everyone’s issue as it affects men, women and people of all incomes. As important as it is to not delegate the issue to be something for those of low-income, violence against women of means is becoming less taboo.
In the shelter, Boyer explains that there are primarily low-income minorities, but community counseling is mainly middle class. “It is a mixed demographic, very much across the board.”
Boyer explains that “For a woman of means, leaving means that the life you lived is completely gone. It is harder to make choices to leave, as it affects children and lifestyles forever.”
Volunteers and workers are trained for 45 hours, mandated by the PA coalition against domestic violence. “Confidentiality is the core of what we do. We make the choice of the more important work of giving women the necessary tools to keep them safe.”
As part of the training, clips of films with domestic violence subject matter are shown. Once again, media is seen as a double-edged sword as Hollywood’s’ glitz and glam can raise awareness for the issue while also risking displaying the issue in a trivial light. “When done properly, they are helpful but when over-sensationalized: it skews the whole purpose”
The popular movie “Safe Haven” based on the Nicholas Sparks book of the same name surrounds the story of a young woman running away from her abuser, who happens to be a cop. Although skeptical of the Hollywood films, Boyer admits, “Everything that happened in that movie can happen. It can happen every day.”
Jennifer Lopez’s film, “Enough” is a similar story where a young woman is fleeing with her daughter from an abusive and threatening relationship, while her husband tracks her down as he has law enforcement connections.
Lopez trains to fight her husband and although Boyer applauds the gripping movie for displaying women empowerment, “The media misses the consequences.”
Everyone has a story.
Boyer began volunteering because of someone she knew dealing with domestic violence. The website has a page dedicated to personal stories, and the site is a testament to the power of storytelling. “Laurel House is an organization that was founded by real people. Actually it was a group of volunteers, who after hearing so many women’s stories of domestic abuse, decided something needed to be done about it.”
Boyer values the mission of Laurel House and the importance of collecting stories. “It shows that we have done something to highlight the severity of need, help funding and let other people know we are not alone. Telling the story is so important. It is harder to get speakers, not hard to get stories out.”
Boyer stresses the importance for the next generation. Advances in technology, social media and film can be the vital change that the movement needs. Curriculum in schools do not allow much room for classes on the topic. Boyer said that “The next step ideally is legislation to have healthy relationships, teen dating and violence class lessons in health classes.”
Boyer is the mother of a 14-year old daughter. When asked what she tells her daughter, Boyer stated people respond in outrage, crying. “I can’t believe you are telling your daughter this!” “I am being honest, open and graphic. Why not? I am not making these stories up, I am telling a truth. Life is too short not to be.”
